BREAKING: Superhero battle leaves Faux Wesleyan in shambles

7S4A9546This morning at 5 a.m Texas Wesleyan University was the site of a superhero battle that dbattle injured and claimed the lives of many.

Thirty people were injured, and 11 people were killed during the battle. Five buildings on campus were damaged during the battle.

Stella Russell Hall was damaged on the south side, James C. Armstrong Hall and Dora’s Dining Hall were destroyed. Elizabeth Means Armstrong Hall was damaged on the east side of the dorm Sid Richardson student union building was also damaged.

Wesleyan will be closed until further notice, according to a press release from the Faux Rambler newspaper.

The reason as to why the battle started is currently unknown Faux Rambler PR spokesman Heather Birge said.

“Heroes involved include Spider-Man, Superman, Wonder Woman, Batman, Robin, Thor and Batwoman,” said SWAT captain Mike Brown. “The battle lasted two hours, and Wesleyan SWAT was notified at 5:30 a.m.”

The team arrived on the scene at 6:00 a.m. to defuse the situation.

“Our biggest concern is the safety of all staff and students.” Texas Wesleyan University President, Slabach said. “We send our deepest condolences to the friends and family of those deceased or injured and are finding counseling which will be offered to any students, staff, friends or families.”

Alternative food and shelter for students is being discussed now, as well as reimbursement, more information and details will be released as they develop.


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